Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.

This is a quote that I recently acquired from my younger sister. I was sitting here pondering the meaning of it. Of course, it seems very straight forward. You can’t just expect to be happy you have to make the choice to be. I agree with this. BUT... I wish it were not the case. If I could just honestly be happy without thinking about it I think my life would be much better off. I feel like it is constantly being forced, my happiness that is. Why can’t it just come naturally?

On the other hand though, I very much agree that you will never be happy unless you let yourself be. And that is a conscious choice. The choice is not when to be happy it is weather or not to be happy. But, who honestly says that they don’t want to be happy. Everyone wants to be full of joy and sunshine don’t they?

I am sitting here at 2:15 in the a.m. thinking about my own situation. Am I making the conscious effort to be happy in my life right now? I could just sit here and say "well yes.. I am trying to be happy, but it is just not happening right now" But in all reality when I really really think about it. I am not sure if I am allowing myself the option right now. I am so often worried about things like "why don’t I have a boyfriend?" "Why doesn’t that guy like me?" “Why is my life so boring?" All of these little things that if I were to stop worrying about them I may actually turn out to be happy for a while. But why is it so hard for me to get rid of these thoughts and feelings. It’s like I am obsessed with it. It overcomes my thoughts at most points in my day. Why can’t I just be HAPPY with myself and where I am right now? I mean jeez. I have a great job and a wonderful family that would do anything for me. I love all of my friends I think they are the greatest people that could have ever come into my life. My son... god I love him sooo dearly. He is my world. And that alone I think should make me the happiest person on the planet. Yet I am not. So, my resolution (I know its not new years: Make a conscious choice to be happy. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

I just hope I can do it.

Just so ya know...

I was conversing with a guy at a local establishment the other night and he was telling me about a t shirt idea that one of his friends has... I actually think that it would be freakin halarious to do... This is the concept...

The front of the shirt would say

"Just so ya know..."

Then you choose what you want the shirt to say either on the front or back of the shirt... I think that is halarious... his example was

Just so ya know... I masterbate.

That is funny. What me and my BFF thought would be funnier is that if the shirts said completly obvious things.. like...

Just so ya know... 2+2=4.. or some shit like that... you can think of many more examples...

OR

Just so ya know... I have herpes...

Now that would be helpful...

Just so ya know... I wont call you after tonight...

I wish I would have known that before..

See how well this idea could work????

So what are your ideas?

So Im Bored!

Since I am a loser and am sitting at home alone and cant sleep while my friends are all out having a jolly ol time I think I will blog...

I really have nothing to say...

Well I just moved into a new apt in a town near the town I will be working in and it is pretty nice and much cheaper than the one I was previously in... which is a great thing about moving back home... cost of living is awesome... anyway.... Im moved in and everything is in place... one of my friends commented today that she was impressed at how quickly everything was put together. So I am proud of myself for that...

So I leave the town I was previously living in for a year to come back to my hometown for a new job... it seemed like a good idea... it is still is so far but I am worried about it. It finally hit me tonight that I will be sitting in this apartment alone.. .ALOT... I need a man... speaking of... when I left the previous town I was dating a guy... all my friends said he was not good enough for me but I liked him... and he promised that he would come see me and me see him and all that jazz... well I have been gone a week now and I have talked to him twice... f that... I knew he would do that shi t... but oh well.. I will just move on and get over it and find a new one here in this lovely place I call home... my guess is that he will either be a farmer or a coal miner or work at a prison and he will have one of those half ass southern accents that is more hillbilly than anything... speaking of mine is coming back already... argh... anyway... and he will either smoke or chew tobacco... I will put 20 bucks on that... any takers?

I have recently noticed how much of a pictureholic I am when I had to buy new photo albums when I just bought a new one 3 months ago... jeez...

Tomorrow is the 4th of July... I think I am going to St. Louis with a guy I met. I hope it is fun cuz I need to get out of this pity party that I am throwing right now... I am pretty sure that the fireworks will be great and I am sure the party will be fun too...

Well I am not sure I have anymore to say... so I am going to go now.

Goodnight!